KEEPING YOUR JEALOUSY AT BAY (NO, you’re not being Paranoid!)

Jealousy – a result of either too much love and compassion or just plain old paranoia.

My husband is an athlete, and being one, he has gotten his fair share of adulation from fans. I have gotten used to people expressing their admiration for him – girls requesting photos with him after his games, and of course, they add him on social media too.

He asked me if I was okay with him adding fans on Facebook and I said I don’t mind as long as he knows his boundaries. If they send him a message, I told him to politely acknowledge their messages and thank them for their support. No flirting and chattjeaing with lady admirers.

There was a time when an admirer was calling him up and we happened to be together. He rejected the call and messaged that he is with his wife. The lady didn’t call again afterwards. I didn’t lose my cool though. I reminded myself it came with the territory.

Jealousy Man kissing woman


There are only two particular instances I can remember feeling extreme jealousy.

The first one was when we were still dating [early on in our relationship] when his ex greeted him on his birthday with a “Happy Birthday My Love” post on Facebook.

Our relationship was just a few weeks old at that time. I figured that since my then bf (now my husband) just recently posted our photo on his wall to make things on social media official (his idea, not mine); the ex-had to deliberately ruffle some of my feathers.

The other time happened when I saw my husband hit “like” on the photo of the same ex wearing a skimpy bikini on social media.

I reminded him that it was the same ex I got upset over early in our relationship. He removed her from her friends’ list from social media voluntarily after that incident, maybe just to keep the peace in paradise.

Jealousy Man being confronted of cheating

So how do I deal with that icky feeling? How am I able to muster enough restraint from going berserk and whacking that same woman in those two instances?

Well, it helps that my husband understands what upsets me.

It also pays to be the kind of person who doesn’t like giving other people the satisfaction of seeing me upset or miserable. I feel that if I react negatively – they have won over me.

This is especially true when handling situations involving an ex of your partner. Remind yourself that they are in a place where they rightfully should be – the past and that you are both the present and the future.

Jealousy Woman confronting man

My husband’s exes are all beautiful women. Fair skinned, tall. The “neck breaker” kinds. While I, on the other hand, can be summed up by Taylor Swift’s Song: I wear t-shirts, always in sneakers, and was never cheerleader material.

Overcoming Jealousy

BUILDING YOUR SELF WORTH AND SELF-CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY

So you just witnessed your partner ogling at someone? It doesn’t necessarily mean that he would want to have an affair or start a relationship with that beautiful stranger or any woman they will meet. It is just normal to admire what is aesthetically pleasing to our eyes.

Man and Woman hugging

A woman’s intuition is sharp. And often times we rely heavily on our gut feel.

Remember, without any concrete and damning evidence of infidelity, cheating or any form of flirting – you must master the art of calming yourself down. Breathe in and breathe out. Chill. Nothing is more admirable (and sexy!) than a woman who can contain and keep her emotions in check.

CALM DOWN THEN INITIATE THE TALK WITH YOUR SO

Still can’t shake off that sickening feeling? Is jealousy already killing your vibe and romance? Try to hold it in for a little bit more, and when you have calmed down, then initiate the “talk” and communicate with your partner.  Crying and screaming at each other doesn’t count as talking, okay? 

It can help you when you write down and pinpoint specific incidents that triggered your jealousy. This way you don’t ramble like a mad woman when you talk to your partner. It’s also a lot easier to discuss things and open up when tempers aren’t flaring. Also, let him know how he can make you feel more secure in the relationship.

When you are in love, your greatest fear is to lose the object of your affection. When fear is there, one feels threatened.

Insecurities start to gnaw on your self-esteem and feelings of jealousy will start to surface especially if you came from a traumatic past.

At the end of the day, you can read all the self-help books, and even attend couples therapy, but if you still refuse to trust, nothing will work. It all boils down to trusting your partner.