Growing up, I witnessed my mother provide shelter for distraught women who were fleeing from their abusive partners. These women would knock on our front door frantically usually at night or early dawn – bloodied, dishevelled and full of bruises. They were so many of them that I couldn’t recall all of their names, but I remember their faces and their stories like it was just yesterday.
These women all came from different walks of life. But they all had one thing in common- a physically, emotionally and mentally abusive partner.
Often than not, it is very difficult to detect a partner who is abusive at the early stages of a relationship. These people tend to be highly intelligent, extremely charismatic, and know their way around people.
Here are top three red flags in a relationship to watch out for:
CONSTANT UNFOUNDED JEALOUSY
An occasional appearance of the green-eyed monster is normal in any relationship. But what is not normal is what psychologists call “pathological jealousy”. According to Wikipedia, it is a psychological disorder in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or partner is being unfaithful without having any real proof”.
Do they incessantly check on you every single second of the day? Rummage through your belongings as if looking for “proof” or evidence of unfaithfulness? Do they keep you from interacting and socializing especially with the opposite sex? or even forbid the use of social media? At first, these gestures may seem “sweet”, but later on it can be suffocating.
CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATIVE
There are people out there who have mastered the art of getting their way. They are skilled in always getting their partner to follow what they want. They have no consideration whatsoever about their partner’s feelings or needs. For these people, they should always come first. Do they make you feel like its always your fault? Do you find yourself second guessing everything you do? Do they make you doubt yourself and your capabilities because they often belittle you?
If you found yourself saying yes to all of these questions, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship, because these are definitely NOT relationship goals!
DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE
Charming when in public but always angry with you in private? Has a violent streak and takes it out on you, then, later on, blames you for the violent episode? If this sounds too familiar, then you may want to start breaking free from that relationship because true love does not and should NOT HURT!