When I told my family that my husband, who was then my boyfriend proposed to me, my parents urged me to have a serious talk to him about possible concerns throughout our engagement.
Feeling anxious about having the “talk” with him, and then ditched the idea altogether. We have been together for 3 years, what could I not know about him still, right?
Then a friend who recently proposed to his girlfriend of 2 years got in touch with me one day and told me he called off their engagement.
I was shocked and it triggered my own series of anxiety attacks.
He admitted he felt like he didn’t know his fiancée anymore and he got so hurt by the lying and scheming.
Turned out his fiancée had a bad habit when it came to managing her finances. She would go on trips here and abroad, indulge in shopping sprees left and right. This lifestyle resulted to accumulated credit card debts amounting to millions of pesos.
She would also “borrow” money from him which he found odd (but not alarming at first) considering she had a decent paying job and wasn’t at all in any way a breadwinner. Then one day, a collections agent showed up in his office looking for his fiancée.
Not exactly a great way to find out.
If you are newly engaged, or just planning to get married, here are some of the things you might want to consider bringing up and discussing with your partner.
FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS: FOR RICHER OR POORER
Going back to my friend’s story, you may argue that he most probably didn’t love her enough and that he should’ve been more supportive of her. There are no right or wrong answers
When finances are tight, this can escalate to fights- especially when the bills to pay are piling up. Being neck deep in debt is not a good way to start your married life.
MEDICAL HISTORY: IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
My ex-boyfriend was diabetic, and my mom knew about it. She casually asked me if I knew how diabetes affected one’s health. I actually had an inkling where her question was leading.
Back then (until now) it wasn’t a big deal for me if we had children or not. He was honest about his medical condition, and it made me handle the situation better. You owe it to your partner to discuss whatever sickness runs in your family no matter how unsexy and unromantic that sounds especially if the risk of passing any debilitating disease is high.
This way, both of you can better decide what and which course to take.
ON HAVING AND RAISING CHILDREN: GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY
I mentioned earlier that having children was not a biggie for me. I’ve always believed that if it was meant to be, it will happen. Back when we, my husband and I were in the courtship stage, I already casually told him that I’m scared of having children, and it wasn’t in my “priority” list. He was a little bit sad that day and we never talked about it again after.
The only time I brought it up on the day we had the talk. I told him I still have the same sentiments when it came to children, and that if he felt otherwise, I would not take it against him if he backed out. We still ended up married, but seeing that he loves children made me rethink things.
I realized I was being selfish, and I was depriving him of the opportunity to be a father. How his eyes lighted up when I finally told him I’m entertaining the thought of becoming a mother. On our third year together, we were blessed with a baby boy.
They say you never really know someone fully unless you have lived together. You may be in a relationship for a long period of time and still not know a lot of things about them.
Take time to
What if my partner doesn’t want to have the talk? Is that a red flag to watch out for? It could be, it could be not, but it could save you from any future major heartaches and the cost of getting an annulment.